lost

Why I wanna so care about it?
Sighs...

Emo~

I have been ignored by the friends and juniors here is not the first day thing, but I was sad indeed today.
Sighs...
I'm the secretary, she is the secretary also.
how come the junior just ignore me, and ask me to excuse today. =.-"
I already try to don't mind the other MT & commitee which are our batch friends to close with her, & my another two friends who are same bureau with me.
I'm not as active & talkative as them. I knew. fine.
My president said before," she looks strict, I don't want kacau her la. I want Yen~~ Yen~"   =.-"
Okay, Is fine. Is really fine. I knew my problems.
I'm not as cute as her.

Then, back to four of us, yea, four of us are close. But, I'm the one who keep let them ignore.
Leyi for first will care Yen first, Sandy for first will care Leyi then Yen.
Then me?

She said, "you are the one who know how to take care ownself the most, so I never worry you."
Yea, I tried to protect myself to don't get hurts, but doesn't mean I'm strong.
They sad, they will 哄 among them, then me?
Take picture... hmm.. What I see the picture she took is just both of them, then me?
When there is a picture which need with members & 合照 just will remember to call me.
No wonder my pictures are the lesser. LOL.

Am I too serious? Am I too strict? Isn't my face problem?? I look strict?
I can't played & joked? or they don't know my limit? &they afraid to step on my limit?

I knew I'm not active & delight & good smiling face as them.
& I also don't like to say hi to other.

That are my problems...  I'm trying to be active, trying to hide the unhappy in front of them already.

Erm.. i should change myself maybe.

bad job!

I'm a serious person, a very serious ones. So, please don't let me be a leader, otherwise, people will feel stress & feel I'm strict when they're working with me.

I have just ended a chinese culture night in my uni. It is a big carnival, & this was not only inviting other uni students & our own uni students, but also the resident there. I take it very serious at the previous sem when I was just a multimedia bureau's member. I was the one who controlled the videos & slide to present on the projector while my partner was Yi fan (yes, our secondary school ones). I did some mistakes during the event, I knew it & I was blaming myself for few days. It was just the mistake like pressing too fast for the emcee's speech (translate ones).

This sem, I was the one who guild the juniors for the projectors, playing the videos & slides. Did I not teaching well or we are not too serious enough? Or we never tell them that the importance of this event? The juniors who I handle, they made some serious mistakes. Sighs.. I wanted to scold them, but when I see they were panic after they realise the mistakes. Besides, I taught them & kept repeating the flow & ways many many times for the whole day, but why I still see they were doing wrong & kelam-kabut to find the videos' folder? sighs!!

Honestly, seriously, I'm not satisfy for the juniors' present this year, no matter under me or my friends!! How come the job we take it seriously for every sem, but they treat it as a game? Moreover, we did smaller than this sem at the previous sem, but we still panic & tried to perform well all the things. Both same as first try to the projector, why they ?? Between, this sem we have technicians beside to help them, but we controlled all last sem & at least we do better. Sighs....

When the attitude is not there, you can't do anything well.

difficult

I dislike this feeling seriously!!

Sighs...

Everytime, I come back home, it let me feel good for just a few days until he back, until my turn to back!!
I don't know how to describe the feelings I have, but then it is totally sad and not willing to leave here.
Although, I have accepted the things at Uni and I could feel happy when meet my friends there.
Somehow, I still will have this kind of feeling before I leave here, why? I don't want to leave or can I stay at here to complete my studying life?

Complicated.

No matter how much I love there, I'm still loving my hometown the most. >.<

Well, I'm independence at there, but not here.
Sometime, I don't know which is a real one? The character which I play at there? or here? or both?
I feel that one at there, I'm so careful to treat them, I'd mind what they think of me and also bully me.
I just try avoid the argument occurs, I just try to close my heart.
But at here, my gang, I won't worry about it, I should say that I never worry about it.
I'm not hiding anything since I don't afraid at all.

Sighs.
How many time I will have this kind of feelings again?
twice per sem? or more than that?
that's the reason why I don't like to back home, when I'm at home, I will not want to back there...

*Anyway, I'll try to be a better one.
I'll try to change to be a better one. ^^