25 Sept

I just feel like tire and I don't want to talk.

There are too many things I can't tell and I don't how to tell.

It's nothing different as this world just me alone, at school, at home and anywhere else.

Why?? *Every time I take it as a challenge, but this time I'm tire. I should say I afraid until tire... *
The problem is repeated again and again and almost the same.

You won't know how frightening if you live in a fear all the time.

Once, PA sir talked about something which caused I thought about all the cases, I almost lost control and cried out in the class, yet I didn't. The most terrible case, the screens, their faces...
*the unforgettable fear forever*

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We walked from Kwang Hwa until Apolo since the "you xin" was stopped at a sudden. It was kinda fast for us finished watching it.

He kept talking nonstop, I was tire to hear all of that. 2nd sister and younger sister talked with him together, somehow. Thus, there was only me kept quite, I got nothing to say.

I didn't like to say anything when those adults talk about each others' bad words, something like that, no matter is relating with grandpa, uncles, aunties, mum or... For me, no, I dislike to hear all of that, even if I hear, I'll pretend don't know. For me, just in case they really do so in front of me and hurt me, or else I won't consider.

I'm seriously tire.
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Going to a concert at Autocity, we was there for awhile only and met cousin there.

(another mixture)

I'm so sorry, Yan ling, I just read your blogs. When I read it, thinking about my grandma. I was thinking I had already ready to face it too last time, but not really since I stool feel heart broken when "the day". Alright, may god bless your grandpa. *You must limit the days to sad, it was what I did.*

Being alone, it causes I look pity at the class? There are only four girls at the class, including me, strange ones. Seriously, I really have no topics and things to chat with. What you can see is ME keep quite the whole day, sometimes even have no smiles.

Everyday, sleepy, tire, helpless, bore, missing, blank and...

If I pain, I pretend as no pain...
If I cry, I pretend like I'm only feeling sleepy...
If I feel alone, I pretend like nothing to me...

Meaningless...

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I come to my blog everyday, thinking of want to write something else, yet seriously I don't know what should I say.

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I went to "jiu wang ye" at last two days ago, somehow, my mum met a lot of her old friends there. =.-"
Having a smile to them, I got nothing to do. Honestly, I dislike go to a place which have so much people like that, at there, I was always thinking about 'I want to back home!!!'.

Uh.. My purpose to be there was to pray my 3rd sister and (I don't know how to say). Nevertheless, we were late to go, so my parents' friends' son helped us. Their son is so friendly and mild, mum praised. A little boy who has rumor with my younger sister since he was kids, lol... hahahhaa....

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These days, people like to shake their hands or .... I don't know I just feel weird why they like to do so lately, maybe I look like my spirit is not inside my body??

The little boy, Sobben, friends and a lower form guy... zzz... they did shake their hands at a sudden in front of me lately, yeah, I think maybe I always stare blankly lately.

The lower form guy is most weird, I didn't know him, he suddenly called me "jie jie". At the beginning, I was not smiling to him. I didn't know how many times he called, then I just smiled.
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Thank to Shin, Sushi, Ai Wei, Yang...

Erm...thank to Huey and Sley for helping.. hehe..

16 Sept 2010

I guess today, opps.. yesterday was my terrible day!!!

Suddenly, my brother said, "Let's go to Pacific together, we had such a long time hadn't shop together! Please~!"

I said, "Every time is your fault, you know what, every time is just left you don't want to join us! I'm lazy to go out today... x.x sighs... Fine, I have my bath first!"

Shopping with my family, we'd have fun there, I thought we're going home after we went to Pacific. Nevertheless, my dad was driving to BM, thinking he wanted going another shopping centre.

"Dad, where you want to go?", my brother got shocked since my dad drove to the road. Alright, we would never know where my dad bring us to go, he would never tell us, this time too.

"Eh, I have cooked today what, why want to eat at here?", my mum asked while near a restorant. Again, he didn't answer it!!! But I guessed I knew his answer. Hehe~

It should say we were very lucky to meet my dad's friend and his family there? Zzz.. Yet I kinda dislike a betrayer! Cheh! However, he was a betrayer, we'd like to talk with them, yeah, of course, there weren't including me!

As we were talking about his daughter's boy friend, somehow I changed topic to talk about 2nd sister. Hahaha... Then... the meeting about it was started!!!! OMG .... Obviously, my dad doesn't like the guy, ahhahahaah, but just my mum is okay. Well, my brother told us that his gf's house was near there. Hahahah~ What I can say is... funny... hhahahhaha~ I don't know what's wrong with my mum just now, she was funny! By the way, my brother who is a professional, ahhahaha... xD we use to say he is because we would like to get the opinnions from him, so once we have him, we're not that idiot! LOL... hahahhahaha... I said, "Since we have you, we'll getting clever soon. LOL. The steps are useless to us. hahhahaa..."

*Don't touch my things, please!! Luckily, they didn't! sighs... *

*****************************************************************

We had bought a cake to celebrate Sushi's b'day at station one, Happy Birthday and bless you healthy and happy and always be young! hehehehe~

Ahhhh~~ How hope someone could help and save me!!! x.x My friends... they're so frightening, you know? Asking the same question for the whole night, it caused I didn't know how to answer.

I regreted to go, sighssssss..... You all caused I wanted to cry, lol.. hahaha just joke!

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2nd sister, "Mum said my chinese's b'day is 3rd sister's chinese's death day!!!"

OMG~~~~~~~ x.x we were never know it until just now!!!

I said, "Then, you could never celebate your chinese's b'day after this!!!"

I think my 2nd sister might feel bad.

Sighs... 3rd sister...

What I want for "it".

In relationship, it looks easy, but it is not necessary easy.

You need to be tolerant each other, caring each other all the time and know the way to prevent your relationship get worst.

Before everything is started, you must at least make sure your personalities and temperament can be tolerant by each other. Additionally, you should understand the conditions and what he/she is thinking about at least on the basic level.

Thus, there are not only need you love he/she, and then everything can be ran easily. Perhaps, it can for some people, yet for me who expect to have a last longer one, I really cannot accept it so easy.

In case she is a play girl, or else she would hope to have a serious and stable one. I said I want a last longer relationship, a serious one. I don't want a fragile relationship.

《吃早点》

昨晚。。。

二姐：“刚才我跟妹和ah boy讲明天早上6点要起来了，7点要去吃早点，因为爸爸8点就要去做工了，可是他们都要我叫他们起来。所以，你明天叫我起来啦，我们靠你了！爸爸说我们很久没一起吃早餐了。。你叫我起来har!”

我：“哇，你们全部都靠我罢了。。（责任重大！）”

二姐：“没有嘛，不可能要ah boy和妹叫我们的，你知道得啦！ah boy很贪睡的，很难叫得醒他的；妹出一个门要我们等很久的，每次还要绑头发化装，所以要早早叫他们两个起来了！妈咪也是很慢的，他刚才还跟我讲他要7点才起来，可是他每次都那么慢，也要早早叫他起来了。爸爸就快的也不用我们叫得啦，他会自己起来，他7点才起来也不用紧啦！所以，你调好闹钟6点起来叫我！”

我：“ah boy 只有你才叫得醒。。现在指望我罢了咯！你跟我6点起来，6.15叫ah boy和妹起来，妈咪给他睡迟一点6.30好叫他起来了！为什么不要叫你的boy（这个是指二姐的追求者）给你morning call leh? 他打来你一定会醒的嘛！”

二姐：“我哪里有boy?”

我：“你敢讲没有！每个早上都打电话来叫你起来，下午也打来，晚上又打来。。一天不知道打几次？！乱到死，尤其是早上打来害得我不能睡！（其实晚上有时也是乱到我不能睡。。）”

二姐：“不是我的boy啦！他自己钱多要打给我的，我又没叫他打来。。而且我都叫他不用叫我起来，是他自己问我几点要起来，然后他打给我的。。”

我： “你就跟他讲明天早上你要6点起来，他就会打给你了！要不然等一下你假假跟他讲你明天要6点起来。。”

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今天。。。

#alarm 响#不好意思，哈哈哈。。我听到alarm的时候已经是6.30了！哈哈~睡得爽爽。。#
#改变计划！这是我一睡醒就想的事情！#

我：“二姐起来了！6.30了！起来了，迟了！起来啦！妹，你也好起来！你们两个跟我起来啦！”

#我变成了他们的alarm了。。。#

二姐：“给我睡都一下啦！你去刷牙先啦，刷好了才叫我，我才去刷！”

#其实，他们两个在赖床！#气到我，尤其是臭二姐讲要6点起来的！#
#我刷好了又继续。。

“你们好起来了！迟了！还不起来，你们是不想吃了吗？起来啦！起来~！！！”，我真的很想打人，哈哈~

二姐&妹：“你很吵咯！”

我：“hanah,我很吵啦！叫你们起来你们讲我吵！好跟我起来了！二姐，ah boy靠你了，去叫他！”

#其实，我有去叫弟弟起来，可是无效！哈哈~#

妹：“哈哈~我要去叫妈咪起来了！她一定还在睡猪！”

二姐：“对对对。。去笑她，她讲她一定会比我们早起来的！我去叫ah boy,要不然我们就输了！”

#噢，忘了说妈咪和二姐打赌我们一定会比她迟醒！# 呵呵，妹去叫妈咪，二姐去叫ah boy。#
汗~妈咪也赖床！结果。。是爸爸被妹妹吵醒！哈哈~

我：“妈咪，起来了！”

爸爸：“你还在包（盖着被单不要起来），你的三位千金都起来了，等你罢了！”

我：“你还再做猪猪嘴！还不起来？！” 结果就是还再赖床咯！

>>>去看弟弟房间的情况>>>>

二姐：“魏振胜起来了。。要去吃东西了。。。快点，一定要比妈咪还要早起来！要不然我们输了！”

#大功告成#

>>>>再去吵看妈咪>>> 6.47 a.m.
笑死我了！我边喊边走着，结果我看到妈咪。。起来了，又坐回床上拿被单盖着他的头，然后在哪里笑！哈哈哈~好象小孩一样！

妹：“妈咪，起来了！ ”

我：“妈咪，你还包起来！哈哈~” 扯开他的被单。。

二姐：“妈咪，你输了，我们赢了！你看我们都比你早一点点起来！就连每次最迟醒的ah boy都比你早一点点。。一点点。。哈哈哈~” #

我：“ zzz... 你也知道一点点吗？还强调一点点。。” #beh tong nia, 笑死我罢了！

*******他们很厉害赖床咯，还好我跟爸爸一样很少赖床的！呵呵~
我们一家是不是很幼稚？哈哈哈哈~********

没有大战就很好咯，大战的时候，就真的是要我的命！

又是我和爸爸最快准备好。。等着那几只乌龟。。 7.08出发！
*****************************************************************
很。。幸运？！我遇到leg跟他的老婆也是那么早就去吃早餐了。。呵呵~

二姐：“妹，四姐好像变白去了！你有什么秘方？”

我：“hmm...要知道啦！哈哈哈~ 没有秘方啦！” 其实，我不知道为什么我会变白咯。。

#讨论谁比较白。。可是，我弟插进来讲。。

ah boy：“我也是最白。。”

妹&我异口同声：“你最黑er~!”

ah boy：“我都没有讲完。我是要讲我是最白痴！”

妹&我：“哈哈哈~你自己讲的har..我们没有讲到咯~！”

8.15a.m 回家。。爸爸去做工了。。闷~

Sibling>>love

Zzz... I guessed my brother has gf, but when we asked him, he denied.

Yet he admitted last night. haha~

Besides this, my sister was talking with her friend via phone on the same time. We didn't know what the guy asked my sister to help, but my sister said, "Where got guys ask girls to help?"

My brother at beside disturbed them since the beginning, then he said, "Yea, this guy is so useless, how come ask girls to help, no wonder until today he still cannot success to court sister. Hahaha~"

LOL.. hahaha~ I was laughing too.

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My brother said this girl's attitude kinda alike my mum, sighs..

Alright, sighs.. they all said my area is short, x.x the shorter one is eldest sister. hahaha.. LOL.. haha

Hmm... Her phone is ringing now again, sighs.. =.-"

The best day ever with friends

I woke up late, at 10.00a.m, it was rush for me to bath, taking my breakfast. Luckily, I done all on time 11a.m.! hehe~

Dating and sharing with Jocelyn when other was watching Pirahna, the horrible movie which Jocelyn and I dare not to watch. xD There was luckily I chose to don't watch it! hahahhaa~ *long time didn't chat like that.. hehe~*

We started our crazy hours for singing K, it was totally frightening high at the beginning, yet finally we had no much energy left to get high anymore. I have kinda sore throat since Sunday, then yesterday stool singing K again, it was totally becoming serious. *Hence, I couldn't sing anymore at Jess's house*

Then, we went to buy something, sighs, I'm gonna to bankrupt. Sighs... Having our dinner at Sakae, some of them bought desserts after that at another bread shop, I wanted too. Sighs..

*Hz, Shin, S.Ching, Huey, Mei, Jocelyn, Ley, Theng and Cheng [Alex, Yang, WC, Yuhao, BH, KH, CK, Huat]*

Friends, take care, gonna miss you.
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Huey and mine second round-6B gathering.

I thought teacher wasn't coming so earlier, pressing my phone and walking. Well, Huey was in front of me and she blocked my view, so I didn't see our teacher was there. *Shocked, when I saw her*

Honestly, I felt quite delight to see them. However, I had no so many topics to chat with them, it was really great and enough to gather again. ^^ I found that we're still joining our gangs, the gangs which we were usually joining. Haha~

There was really fun and it caused I laughing when teacher talked. Hahaha~ Especially when she learnt how S.Yong call Kooi, lol, hahhaha~ it was fun!

Some of them are still the same, so mild indeed, their voice, their way to talk, their act... I think majority of the girls there are mild, sighs.. Huey said, "Yea, only you are becoming rough, especially your voice." x.x

We were capturing pictures, thanks, Jess, hahaha, your great camera. xD After that, we exchanged phones number with some of them, hehe~

*Teacher paid before we wanted to pay. It was so bad to let her treated all of us. Sighs..*

Goodbye for majority of them.

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Third round-Jess's house.

[Huey, Kelvin, Wayne, Jess, Musical, Jyin and S.Yong]

They were singing K, instead of me since I was seriously sore throat. x.x
Huey looked tire at the moment, somehow. SIghs...

I tell frankly, I feel sorry to them because they were singing, but Huey was showing tireless and I was busy to SMS. Hmm... Although, they weren't getting that high as evening I was with my secondary school friends. hehe~

Anyway, it was a great day to meet them again and even joined them.

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It was my best day ever with friends~! ^.-

Do take care yar, friends and miss you. hehehe~ xD

stupidS

I found out a kinda stupid thing again! *chuckle*

I really dislike her now, I guess maybe she too, but both of us just pretend.

It's fine since she is NOTHING for me, not even one friend.

Before that, I thought she is kind and nice, but now maybe she is not.

I don't know why and what I can let her copy?

She is such a copy cat! LAME!

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It wasn't because of I don't believe you, yet you seem like not serious. Then, how would I believe? In fact, I wasn't totally didn't believe.

It wasn't because of that, but if you want to think so, I cannot do anything too.

IF you don't know and don't understand, then fine.

I'm getting tire to wait!!!

I really hate and angry while waiting for her to come fetching me back.

Every time I wait for her, I'd think about she forgot me and left me at tuition center for about 5hours! It was terrible fear, I cried at the final!

She always forget to fetch me and there is lucky that I have hp now... But sometimes, I really will hate for this especially when I rush or too tire. sighs..

*something none of your business*

I'm tire for this kinda matter.

Before it been poisoned, turning to be a drug, it should be stopped if it would have a negative reaction.

I just don't want to lose since I couldn't!

I don't know which direction I should think about!

Delight? Irritate? Grief? Jealous? Fall apart? Down? ... the emotional would turn to irrational!!



Nobody could help, then depends.

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My younger sister asked two stupid questions, "Where is Bukit Mertajam?"
"What is BM?"

=.-" Both are the same one, okay? Lame!!

When I woke up this morning, I found out many my favorites!! It seem like have been such a long time haven't so many foods I love. hahaha~

Chocolate cookies, assorted cookies, pineapple cookies, other type of cookies, chocolate ice cream, vitagen, three type of our favorite mee and so on.. hahaha.. I think if there have chocolates, it would be perfect! Tasty~! hehehe~

Endless story

I could tell you that I was tire, sleepy and dying yesterday!!

Gosh, I woke up early and went to the club practicing the speech. I thought I could back on noon, then backed home to having my lunch. Nonetheless, I backed on near 1.30p.m, seriously, I was very hungry!!!

*Thank to Jocelyn and Huey's message. Hehe~ Somehow, I couldn't receive the MMS as well as last time. zzz... Anyway, I'll check it out later. Thank yar. hehe~*

After that, I took the time to prepare everything before 5p.m, I scare there would have some accident, so it is better if done early. hahahaha...

Then, we went to fetch Huat and BH. Yoy, BH, sighs, he even late than me. Sighs..

I tell you frankly, I was nervous, but I tried to calm down and didn't show. We had our practiced.

We were fear and panic at the beginning, after that, it was okay for us. Yet because of principal would coming early, we changed our schedule. Seriously, it was terrible! We should walk here and there to ask, paying attention to signal given by PA system.

I should say that he really helped a lots, if without him with me, I don't think that I could handle and prevent nervous. I don't know what it would be if only me at the stage! Anyway, just wanna to thank him, for everything. By the way, our other members, hehehe.. They really did a lots, some of them even no eat or what, sighs... Well, should take care. hehehe.. *Thank to BH's message, hehehe. You're welcome. You'd help a lots also. hehe..*

I don't know the party was success or not. sighs.. hahaha.. Alright, I had tried my best to do it. It was my first time and it might be my last time to be MC, really tire!

After 10p.m, it was time to pass to Joshua handling it. Finally, I had my time to eat and rest, I was totally dying and sleepy at the moment. I was shocked and saw he ate a lots, it was frightening!!!!

Our second round was MC.Donald. There were majority upper six students there in at room, yet we didn't join them. We had our seat at another place. We were there to chat only. hehe~ However, I didn't enjoy the party anymore last night, I only enjoy the time at Mc.Donald, it was the time for me to really cold down and rest. haha...

Then, backed home. I think it was my third times I backed home late at near 1pm, last night was the most late one. *I called my mum before she called me, hahhaa.. sighs.. My brother said me is a bad girl who would back home so late. x.x *

*The pictures all are not at my here. By the way, I didn't self-capture.*

*MP*

Honestly, I really feel irritate because the party is prepared by Club Ping Pong, but everything let the Club Tingkatan 6 to get?! It is unfair to our pengerusi and us! I know it is useless to say at here, yet every time I read until that part, I'd feel unfair! zzz...

sighs.. I'm scare and nervous. sighs..

Honestly, I hope that and I think I would help if I'm not MC. I don't want play this role, well, anyway, I will try my best. sighs... Otherwise, I change with you if you feel it is easy job, zzz.. It should everything depends on that day, we cannot prepare exactly before that, it is different as other roles. By the way, I don't know whatever we will have the chance to eat or not. hahaha..

However, it look easy, when you really want to do it, it is really hard. Hmm... I feel myself is bad and throw the job to him, xD

Hmm.. Although, I can speak well in malay, my vab. for malay is very poor, I can say if the skip is done by me, I don't know what it will be. hahahhaa....

Anyway, just wanna thank to him. xD

Hope that we good luck and won't laugh! hahah...

I hate all of this!!!!!!!!

Why nobody even think about my feelings, situations and conditions??

I hate all of that!! When on the way to back home, I thought a lots while driving just now. I straight away locked myself in my room after taking my bath.

I really cannot stand anymore! Why there is so unfair? Is that my fault?
I just feel like don't want to talk to anyone about this, no way, since none of you will really think about me!!

Everyone only cares about him, scaring of he will get hurt! Then, how about me? I hate you all keep saying him in front of me! I hate him so much!!!!!!!! He is disgusting for me!!!

Do you all think about my feelings when I see something (his act)? NO! YOU DIDN'T!!

Fine, I know, I shouldn't and I also don't want to hurt him. But the situation now is I cannot stand, I don't know how long I can patient all of that!!

Have you all even think about my feelings and thinking when you all said like that? Yea, however, you're telling the truth, have you think about me?

You all... only think about he cannot be hurt, he should be protected! Then, how about me?

Isn't just because of at least I won't become as him?

I could tell you, before he get hurt or becomes like that again, I'd depress and fall apart first!

Because of him, I cannot do what I want at school now?
Because of him, I should listen to your advice?
Because of him, I should always listen you all say like that?
Because of him, I need to be patience?
Because of him, I should not hurt him?
Because of him, I should far away to guys? It's sound funny!!

Because of him, I need to pretend and avoid his eyes side!!
Because of him, I feel disgusting at there!!
Because of him, I feel want to cry!
Because of him, I feel UNSAFE!!!
Because of him..........

Why nobody think about me? You all only know to tell me I should not!!
Then, should I give him hopes? Huh?
Then, will you all ask me to accept him? *chuckle*

I just want to be myself, okay?

*This is Patience's blog, if you're not satisfy, get away from here!*

Hmm...

Honestly, I really hate because of eldest of the family and cause those young's relationship become bad in the family.

I just try to be patient and pretend doesn't hear what they talk about, it is really hateful to know the ugly from them! I rather pretend don't know it.

It's a little bit out of my mind that Yang chatted so much to me at this morning. Erm... Well, I just hope that he will not disappointed me because he is same as my other cousins and brother. I don't know how to say, yet I just feel they are same when doing certain things. So, honestly, I have a little bit worry it now.

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明明很讨厌，却还要带着笑来面对。。

明明很想生气，但觉得该收敛。。

明明很生气，却还要装得没事似的。。

明明很介意，却还要装得没什么。。

明明很忙，却还要做无聊的事。。

明明很想睡，却怎么也睡不着。。

明明就很想。。

*still have many... but, because I'm lazy to on my laptop, so someone is forcing me give her back her laptop now... zzz... *