Far away

I don't know how are you now. I do not have that courage to seek for you to chatting.
I don't know what others said was true or fake. I still do not have that courage to open out the truth.

A 700km away from you until a 900km away from you.
I didn't admit that I fallen before. But, somehow when the day I get far with you, I realized.
However, I pretended to be fine & funny to you to ignore your sad emotion.

How many times I cried because of I miss you? Or I suppose to say that I face some stress, unhappiness... & I think about you somehow, & cried somehow.

 I thought of going further to Hatyai, so that I could give myself a last chance to miss you.
But it looks like could not work?

一个没有你在身边的世界。

2017

Last blog since 2014, it has been 3 years, huh?

The girl during 2014 was studying in University. Hmm.. Well, I'm graduated from UniMAP since last year (2016).

4 years passed my unilife. There was a journey that change me alot, from dependence to be independence. Yeah, I was forced to be. Since there were nobody around you & you have to do all, face all by yourself.

Of course, friends are the best supporters during that time. I had been gone thru so much there, they were like my friends, like my family, like my siblings. 

Work hard & play hard. That was me. 

It's great to meet you all in my unilife.

Right now, I have started work about 9 months. Honestly, working life is terrible. I feel I'm like a death fish from earlier morning till night now. Wish that I could get a better new job that I love after.

1 dec 2014

I’m just bored, but I don’t know why I could have time to feeling bored actually. Issh~ Perhaps, it supposed to be say as moodiness. From the half sem till now, every week has a test and mountains of projects, reports and assignments. I wish to have few more days rest, yet there is no. Whatever. After this the final will be coming soon, and then this sem end, my 3^rd year 1^st sem will be ended so.

These days, I just miss my home deeply. About a month I haven’t been home. Well, people will never understand the feelings that you are not stepping into own house when you are passing by it. Perhaps, nobody ever care for it, or they think that I can accept this feeling.

I just don’t like people ignore me seriously. However, I have tried to join in. Perhaps, people still think that I’m not. But, I found out that maybe sometime is really due to the “face problem”. Yea, I’m not cute, and I’ll never be cute also. That’s not me. Yea, I’m not attractive… No matter how hard I tried.

You will never understand that the feeling when you're standing in front of them who you consider as close friends, but they ignore you. They chat their topics with small voice just enough for hear with very close. They said let's take picture without calling your name, or just say that please help both of us to take picture, and ignore you.
Well, I want to say that, what you guys treat me? as friend? as mirror? or nothing? or just good enough for helping you all to reducing costs?

Not to help? it's alright. I'll never force a person who will not willing to help me. Reject my request? it's fine, I'll never force you to accept too. I'll never force anyone to do what they don't like to do for me. 

Sighs… just ignore as you all like and as usual. Whatever. I’m not belonging to here. I’ll back to my hometown and live at thereafter graduate. There have the friends who will listen to me, care for me, care about my feelings. A truth one.  

Love unilife

I feel very thankful that I got them in my uni life, however, at the beginning, I was always emo due to "unfair" friendship. But, I found out that they are just loving difference people with the difference ways. No matter how, I should satisfy of that.

Sometimes, it's good that keep it like this, or else I don't know how much and how long I'll emo after another two years. Well, I guess I'll cry if we are going to separate at this stage, yet sometimes I don't hope I will cry "die".

I never regret to choose Unimap and to meet all of them, no matter good or bad. I feel appreciate and loves. Here, it let me know more friends from every states, allowing me to get know how's other states. It let me grow stronger and stronger. I'll change definitely after these 4 years being here, just a different me, the person who can try to survive and going to face the society. However, I don't like and afraid of that. Anyway, the afraid is getting lesser and lesser maybe, I feel expect how is my future.

I feel great to have all of them in my uni, they make my uni life colorful and great. I guess I'd miss the moment when we travel around, goes to class and exam together, having meals together, playing around, doing some stupids.....

This sem end, we haven't have a chance to travel again, I miss it so much, want it so much. As we went to travel every sem end, now I feel little disappointed that it gonna end without travelling.

I guess I'll never can return back to this time after it has passed, so I have to treasure it, right? :p
Well, I'm the person who is not good in giving other concern, and hide myself much, hope that you all can tolerance me anyway.

Thank to be a part of my uni life, and everything you all do to me. <3 nbsp="" p="">

Love the one, you love.

love the one, you love.
care the one, you care.

I faced an incidence today, it was shocked & scary for me.
Alright, it is my first time to see it, facing this situation with panic & don't know what to do.

I saw a friend "fa yang dian" today. It's seriously terrible for me as a first time saw this kind of situation.
Luckily, there were two friends who know how to help at there. I was afraid to lost this friend at that movement, although, they say it's harm.

I felt to cry after he was calm down. But, I continue act as normal even in front of him.

Sighs.. Although, this friend have some bad attitude to us when we are cooperate to do tasks, but he is a good person & good guy.
He is our buddy, although lately we are busy so we are less to join each other.

Anyway, this case let me know that I should forget the bad from a person & treat the good one well.
& appreciate the friends, family & lover well, life time is short.

The first post for 2014

After enter Uni, I'm getting lesser and lesser to be here. Erm.. I think it's since form 6. xD

At here, I use laptop to type those reports rather than this. Haha..Using the time to type reports, to complete it is better than I type a blog.

It has been so many years, & even right now I'm still trying to learn how to don't too care about something, I means like a friendship thing.
But, why I still will cry right now or when people ignore me?

I appreciate that friends from secondary school seriously, our relations are never including enemies, we are simply love each other so well with our simple heart.

But, at here, it lets me feel that it's about social. Of course, there are still some simple ones. Anyway, I hope that I won't change my simple heart to anyone also.

I don't like complicated.
I don't like enemies.
I don't like fake.
I don't like depends on benefits.

I just want to be myself.

Sometime, something ... I don't understand, I don't know the answer, I will not go find the answer by myself too. Perhaps, it's what my learning attitude too. :p
Anyway, I guess I will never ever get the answer.

However, the result is not what I want, it was failure since a very long time ago, I guess.

By the way, I watch a movie lately, the guy says, "The world is simple, but the human's heart is complicated."
I guess it is true. & I like sentence.

Bye.
ps: continue to stay for few more days to the next paper.

lost

Why I wanna so care about it?
Sighs...

Emo~

I have been ignored by the friends and juniors here is not the first day thing, but I was sad indeed today.
Sighs...
I'm the secretary, she is the secretary also.
how come the junior just ignore me, and ask me to excuse today. =.-"
I already try to don't mind the other MT & commitee which are our batch friends to close with her, & my another two friends who are same bureau with me.
I'm not as active & talkative as them. I knew. fine.
My president said before," she looks strict, I don't want kacau her la. I want Yen~~ Yen~"   =.-"
Okay, Is fine. Is really fine. I knew my problems.
I'm not as cute as her.

Then, back to four of us, yea, four of us are close. But, I'm the one who keep let them ignore.
Leyi for first will care Yen first, Sandy for first will care Leyi then Yen.
Then me?

She said, "you are the one who know how to take care ownself the most, so I never worry you."
Yea, I tried to protect myself to don't get hurts, but doesn't mean I'm strong.
They sad, they will 哄 among them, then me?
Take picture... hmm.. What I see the picture she took is just both of them, then me?
When there is a picture which need with members & 合照 just will remember to call me.
No wonder my pictures are the lesser. LOL.

Am I too serious? Am I too strict? Isn't my face problem?? I look strict?
I can't played & joked? or they don't know my limit? &they afraid to step on my limit?

I knew I'm not active & delight & good smiling face as them.
& I also don't like to say hi to other.

That are my problems...  I'm trying to be active, trying to hide the unhappy in front of them already.

Erm.. i should change myself maybe.

bad job!

I'm a serious person, a very serious ones. So, please don't let me be a leader, otherwise, people will feel stress & feel I'm strict when they're working with me.

I have just ended a chinese culture night in my uni. It is a big carnival, & this was not only inviting other uni students & our own uni students, but also the resident there. I take it very serious at the previous sem when I was just a multimedia bureau's member. I was the one who controlled the videos & slide to present on the projector while my partner was Yi fan (yes, our secondary school ones). I did some mistakes during the event, I knew it & I was blaming myself for few days. It was just the mistake like pressing too fast for the emcee's speech (translate ones).

This sem, I was the one who guild the juniors for the projectors, playing the videos & slides. Did I not teaching well or we are not too serious enough? Or we never tell them that the importance of this event? The juniors who I handle, they made some serious mistakes. Sighs.. I wanted to scold them, but when I see they were panic after they realise the mistakes. Besides, I taught them & kept repeating the flow & ways many many times for the whole day, but why I still see they were doing wrong & kelam-kabut to find the videos' folder? sighs!!

Honestly, seriously, I'm not satisfy for the juniors' present this year, no matter under me or my friends!! How come the job we take it seriously for every sem, but they treat it as a game? Moreover, we did smaller than this sem at the previous sem, but we still panic & tried to perform well all the things. Both same as first try to the projector, why they ?? Between, this sem we have technicians beside to help them, but we controlled all last sem & at least we do better. Sighs....

When the attitude is not there, you can't do anything well.

difficult

I dislike this feeling seriously!!

Sighs...

Everytime, I come back home, it let me feel good for just a few days until he back, until my turn to back!!
I don't know how to describe the feelings I have, but then it is totally sad and not willing to leave here.
Although, I have accepted the things at Uni and I could feel happy when meet my friends there.
Somehow, I still will have this kind of feeling before I leave here, why? I don't want to leave or can I stay at here to complete my studying life?

Complicated.

No matter how much I love there, I'm still loving my hometown the most. >.<

Well, I'm independence at there, but not here.
Sometime, I don't know which is a real one? The character which I play at there? or here? or both?
I feel that one at there, I'm so careful to treat them, I'd mind what they think of me and also bully me.
I just try avoid the argument occurs, I just try to close my heart.
But at here, my gang, I won't worry about it, I should say that I never worry about it.
I'm not hiding anything since I don't afraid at all.

Sighs.
How many time I will have this kind of feelings again?
twice per sem? or more than that?
that's the reason why I don't like to back home, when I'm at home, I will not want to back there...

*Anyway, I'll try to be a better one.
I'll try to change to be a better one. ^^

free day

University life? Perhaps, the eldest people would say, "University life would be the best one in your life."
I think so... But, what make it become the best? Huh? We should have a statement to support it, right?

During this time, you would have many holidays, hmm... At the same time, you have a little money. Between, since you're no longer a small little girls or boys, your parents would permit you. Then, you would go travel with one gang of friends.
Seriously, in hostel, in class, except we chit-chat and share, nothing would be fun than we could act crazy outside this environment.

Travelling is one of my dream, I'll not give up the chance to go, in case there some reasons. hehhe~

Well, perhaps, we are no longer a little girls, mature due to seeing little bad side of the social and people. So, when I'm in uni, I will not as nature as with the gang at hometown. I see everyone of us, being careful all the time even a speech, so that we will not hurt or offend each other. We are scaring of the relationship between each other will be broken easily... @@
We always put one thing in our heart, that is... we have still four years to go, facing each other everyday in this uni and maybe we gonna live together with this gang in the coming years. How can we offend? hmm....

I'm still always be myself at there, hahaha.. Many of them had been seen my terrible stubborn temp.. hahhaha...

I'm still think of ... at hometown is better...

Alright, now count down, I'm still have 3 years to go, may god bless me.. >.<
********************************************
These days, I see many of friends post their travel photos, hahhaa... I think this what we spend our holidays ba...

The time pass by, environment changed, people changed...
Heart changed???

however, getting lesser to contract, heart didn't change...

my surprising day

This was my first time.. It will be my great memory night with them ytd..my 21st birthday celebration!!I'm excited n surprised for all that...u guys, every year plan the birthday celebration with me,this time is the most touch n awesome birthday celebrity ever..haha...I don't know what to say right now..as u guys said,I didn't hv presents, but surprising this year!!!

Never know that u guys could hide in my house very well har!!haha..pakat with my family n bf..@@ but I feel great because I get this kind of surprised which I was admired..this feeling is really the best ever!!

I feel great n extremely happy that I met u guys n u guys will be my gang for my whole life,I promised!!even if we less contact, in my heart,I'm still loving u guys so so so much!! Can't deny that times fly, we met nearly 9 years, some of u are even more than that..seriously,I cant accept 20 in my year n now even 21, sighs,force to accept this reality..hahaha..

My dears,I'll cherish n appreciate all the things u guys made n ur hearts!!really!! We were happy n crazy together before,we were crying n sad together before..we are young before!!hahaha..

I feel the friendship with u guys, at least we were not feeling trouble n hard to get, but still we do love each other so much..I guess majority of us feel hard when go in college or uni to get new great friendship lik this,I think yes...but still nvm,I hv u guys all awhile with me...

I really feel sorry that sometimes I put the bslancing to other plc,instead of u guys,but u guys still hv the heart to me..


Really thank you that u keep me warm all the time..love u,muackss!!

21st?

Well, it's just nothing for me on my day.. Instead, I was irritated with the dinner for for celebrating the spring festival event ended as well.. The organizer was created such a lame & no manner game..whatever la..

My friends here did celebrate with me with just small celebration, just a few buddy..perhaps, they knew that I don't like too many ppl...erm,because as they always do for celebrating birthday with friends would call whole course ppl come..

Today, is my another two coursemates birthday, both of them born on the same date, as we did, we called everyone too..wish them happy birthday n happy 520..

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

There are too many things happens lately..sighs..perhaps,I didn't know how to handle a friendship or I have bad-tempered...

@@@@@@@@@@@@@


Well, you are not my sisters,so you have no right to take anything of mine without informed & ask...

This holidays

Since certain reasons, I went back at Saturday morning with my coursemates & friends. I took a bath, then started the penang trip with them. Our first station was Kek Lok Si, having lunch around 3pm there. >.< Going to friend's apartment, we had our dinner after that. We went to Strait Quay, the shops almost were closed we went arrive. Anyway, they took some pictures at outside the snoopy cafe. Well, I arrive home around 1.30pm, extremely tire.

The 2nd day, we went to Chew Jetty, capturing some pictures and bought the herritage clothes. >.< Hmm... We walked the whole herritage for at least 2 round. =.-" My legs are very pain right now, it was damn hot that time also. Then, we went to 1st avenue & walked to eat cando & laksa. The next station was Gurney Plaza, they sang K there, while I shopping at there. Damn tire. However, I backed earlier this time.

Today, they gonna come to Butterworth. hmm... I rest at morning, & later gonna meet them & bring them out.

The time flies. I feel very hate when I think about I gonna back to Uni at this Sun. & maybe I'm not going back here for 5 weeks!!

a day without a msg

A day that without message, without SMS... >.<


Sighs...

I feel emptiness, bored, lost, moodiness, ......

I need somebody to 'accompany' when I read.
How come I'd have this kind of weird habit?? Argh~!!!

I find out I'm fail today...
Where are my friends? Lolx... xD
pa toh??? studying??? working???
sighs...

Hope that I could survive again on tomorrow and as soon as possible.. hehe...
*BUT, there are something extremely TOO BAD for  me, I'm going back my hostel tomorrow & I got titas test on Monday~!!!!!!*
Anyway, I'm expecting my REAL holidays after those 5 days, hehehe...
Since there is no more test after that, I think.
& I could have my outing!!!!!!!!!!! Hehhehee~

Bye, home~

[homesick]

I was terrible sick last few days at uni, tiring and suffering me at there.
Well, I got gastric again when I took medicines, it was dying indeed since I couldn't have something which can warm my stomach well, not even a porridge! (I got my  porridge just now at Kwang Hwa there, damn nice. I miss it so much when I sick there!!)
After I ate many days nestern there, I bought the rice there.
Seriously, I couldn't finish it since I felt to vomit out.
Hmm..The thing that I felt irritate was the doctor there!!!
You know what, she didn't want to give me MC, what the hell~!!!!!!!!!!!

Luckily, my parents came to fetch me back on Fri night.
I got the 1st hot food at BW! It made me felt much more better!!
At Perlis, I think it is raining for about 3 weeks there, where to dry the clothes after we washed??! >.<
Nonetheless, I sick this week, & I didn't have so much energy to wash clothes, therefore I left it beside until my parents said they wanted to fetch me back. Hehehe...
I think I didn't wash clothes for about one week, hahahaa...

Thank god that I could back home, otherwise I won't think my illness will be cured.
Some of friends said, "You're homesick la... is not sick..." haha...
Alright, I think it was due to I walked under the rain & due to the whether there.

********************************************************
I  have my mooncake day at BW this year again, but I didn't have BBQ party at my home this year.
I remember that my friends would keep noising me to do it, but just left few of them rather to clean for me.
I really enjoyed it, although it was  tired.

At previous years, we'd have some tanglung competition here, yet I couldn't find it here today. Why?
hmm.. I didn't go to auto city today, but "dou mu gong" I went there, just have some food there.

I found that Penang people if go to other state will just miss the FOOD here. hahaha...
Well, I want to say that, I'm proud & happy that I born here & grow up here with so many delicious foods. xD
We're blessed that we got 24hrs yummy food here. haha..

BUT so sadly :-( I gonna leave here tomorrow again!

see you & bye bye, my lovely home, hometown, family & friends (however, I didn't meet you guys these days.) .

Uni life

I'm dying... I wish I could needn't to study anymore.
What a terrible Uni life?!

There are many insects, such as spiders & cockroaches all around the hostel. OMG~
Besides, I wonder where the dust come from, even though we've closed all the windows & door.
You know what, I put one cup of water on table & without cover it, & I just walked away for a few min, then there were something "dots" inside. >.<
& my clothes, I wonder why after I washed, it still couldn't very dry & clean (have some dust when I dry) ...
I wonder after these days,what my table & the living room gonna be??!
Hmm..my housemates are so... sighs...

The most special one is we need to go campus by bus, & our campuses are around the whole Perlis.
That's why people says, "Unimap=Perlis, Perlis=Unimap."
Okay, let's talk about the bus.
We need to go to wait bus before 1.5-2hrs before the class start, so you can imagine that if we've class at the early morning, we've to wake up very early & "grab" the bath room.
Luckily, I didn't have class at 8am at this Sem yet.
What I learn from there is ... sleep on the bus!!! Gosh, I couldn't sleep on bus last time, but now I can.
Well, the bus sometimes won't come on time, so we've to early lo.....
And, IF you go with a wrong bus, then congrat you, lolx, you sure gonna be late even you come out 1.5hrs before to wait the bus.
I'm seriously tire to "naik" bus~

I wish I could REALLY move to a totally new hostel next year.

Can I don't want to study?? yoy,..

be nothing

I don't know why everytime when I talk there is nobody listen to me.
This problem occur since I was a kid until today.
Is fine they didn't listen me.
Then, as long as I become much more quiet & dislike to talk & share so much.
Since I'm tire, really really really very tire.

Happiness, sadness, problems, the things I want, my thoughts...
Just keep inside.

Then, when the people around realise something wrong about me, that's too late.

Don't ask me, "Why you dislike to talk? Why you didn't answer me?..."
There is no point to ask you because I'd never say out the reasons.


1st time, 2nd time, 3rd time & there might have the 4th time I repeat.
But after that no more even when the case really happen when I told or just about to happen.

When some problems happen as I remind before, I won't say anything again.
I wish to prevent, but it is what you WANT.
The result, the ending you want.

I knew I'm not lovely, not even cute, pretty & vivid.
I don't mind I to be continue in this kind of life, I just don't understand why I'm still survive.
Perhaps, I'm not suppose to be here.

the next station

This will be my first time to leave my hometown, living at another state alone...
Perhaps, you may not feel so because there are quite many friends will study the same Uni with me also.
Nevertheless, they're not same course with me & I'm not close with them also.

I just feel little afraid & complicated to be there.

I gonna really face everything, problems & situations there by my own-self.
20, is time to be independent, right? But, I'm still scare of it.

"Be brave to face everything, is time to grow up!"


My brother who is younger than me only one year old & he'll graduate earlier than me maybe will around the same year also.
Uh, I feel the gov. is really wasting our time for just waiting. Why don't they process faster & quickly?
Even though, they make the process slow, they'd NEVER  make a prefect & right result also. (of course, I'm not talking mine..)

Can I graduate earlier than my brother?? >.<  
I don't want follow his back to graduate since I knew I'll still get nothing if I late than him.

nano ipod

my first Ipod here... this is my b'day present this year..
Today, I just try to learn it & try to use it...

finally I found that it is troublesome...

since the note at the box isn't detail at all... so I've to read it..

I wonder knw... who can teach me how to use except reading this???

look, I need to download the itunes...

& use itunes to download a program to suit with my ipod. >.<

so trouble.............. 

Geram nia~

Why don't you leave after the Fair?  Why now? Yoy...

You knew you're the only left, so why don't you leave after it. 

Why don't you let me go peacefully?

Why you wanna treat me like this??

You, an annoying ones with such bad attitudes & this & that!! 

Besides, don't you ever think that you need to learn, but not depend on your staffs?!

You make all your staffs resign & because of your words, if you don't gonna to change it, you'll suffering only!!

Even  though, until now, no more salesman help you, & you still hope to depend me? or just get mad at there?

Ten few days to go, I gonna leave there. 

I don't know you guys gonna "die" or me.... 

I think I gonna join that "wa beh tahan liao~"

shop, hear they quarrel. 

home, hear parents...

now, I'm hearing my grandpa is scolding her~ 

can you guys please shut up?